They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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