my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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