i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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