And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
