he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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