its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
