rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
