So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
