I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
