The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
