my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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