My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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