No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
