dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
