You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
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Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
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Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
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