You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
