im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
