I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
