Actions speak louder than pants.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
