uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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