I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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