My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
