peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you bring me the toilet please
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Randomize
