So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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