first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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