I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
