I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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