I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
