Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
