Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
