Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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