I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Randomize
