your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
