Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
