He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
