: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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