there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
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Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Shame - the story of my life.
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