Small penises have feelings too.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You have to summon your inner elephant
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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