my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
