I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The police scanner is talking about you again....
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
