im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
