We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
