gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
