I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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