You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
