Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
