I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
