I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
