he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
