you mean i was at the winter classic?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
