my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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