My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
