she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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