Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize