We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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