bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
