The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
