Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
