I hope mine doesn't look like that
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
