I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
