Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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