okay pat passed out under dana's car
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
