Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
